DON'T WORRYYYYY I plan on sending my next longer one (between 10 and 20 minutes) in to the site and I can't wait.
I'm 16 and I've been coming to Studentfilms.com for a few years, always in awe of the masterpieces on the site. I can't wait to finally have my own on here, but until then I'd like to get as many opinions as possible on my latest and technically my first SERIOUS short film!

I've made a few serious short films, but they were all bad from when I was younger or some editing and sounds tests I did a few months ago. This, I guess, would be the first time I've used an interesting idea I had in my head and really tried to do a good job of making it into a short film.

Here's the link on YouTube:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c3kLyi-BtdI

Please check it out, comment it on YouTube, then let me know what you think in this forum!
Or do one of those haha, either way let me know what you think!

I made it about two or three weeks ago, I just now thought to see what you would all think of it.

Thanks to anyone who watches it and tells me what they think!

PS. I might use this idea in a future LNOGER film if I can devlop a storyline to go with it. :]

PPS. If you DO enjoy it, check out the rest of my videos! You'll find my editing/sounds tests, some hilarious videos, prank call,s and redubs, and a trailer for an old movie I was working on when I was younger!

This message has been edited. Last edited by: EricStriffler,

Anyone watch it yet?
Haha.

Interesting concept
I like how it deviates from typical storytelling and genre-type.
I think if you shot other segments likes this and made it a little more elaborate with a few improvements in cinematography and editing you could have a very interesting short in your hands.

Thanks alot!
I'm considering making it longer soon and adding a storyline.
One way I thought of doing it would be to have words at the beginning that say "The Theory" then show that part, then after that: "The Proof", and show some things happening.
I don't know that's just one way I was toying around with it.

But aside from obviously my lame camera quiality and the compression -_- do you think it was good, like the fact that I used no music or sounds? Should I add music or anything, or leave it with just a narration?

Anyone else check it out, by the way?

Meh. The camera quality wasn't really that bad at all. Also I could see how adding the wrong type of music would completely destroy the mood... but if you experiment a little and find a piece that is subtle and gripping I think it could really enhance your production.

Nice concept. Pretty creepy. I would try turning it into a story though. I think a good "what if" scenario should only be the starting point for a good film. In this case, all you have is a "what if." Good start. Hope you keep working with this.

I kind of like how he just made a "what if" and left any real story for the audience to develop. I think he could make another segment with a stronger "what if" though.

Thanks alot!
I am considering developing it into a longer story.
I don't want it to come out bad though, so I'd make sure it's really good before I make it.
If it's bad it would ruin the one I have now haha.

I liked it too. Especially the originality of concept. It's way creepier this way than a full narrative could be, but I think you could add more narrative touches without losing any creepiness. To tell you the truth I can't think of a good idea for that, but I'm running on 3 hours sleep right now and it's your project.

You should probably go to bed hahah.
But thanks to everyone for the good reviews so far.

Don't take this personally, but I didn't like it very much... I thought it was boring and didn't really find it creepy, especially with the long drawn out narration and lack of a storyline and music to add to the creepy feeling that you intended.

On the plus side I think the "what if" premise is a great idea and I'm interested in seeing what you do with it when you add a longer storyline. Could make an interesting Ghost story, or whatever else you had in mind... but I think it's the lack of story that really killed it for me.

KW

quote:

Originally posted by Kurt Wagner:
but I think it's the lack of story that really killed it for me.

Interesting. It was the lack of story that I liked about it. Instead of saying "heres an entertaining story" he was saying "heres something to think about"

Basically I was worried I'd kill it with music.
Like I said, I'd really like to develop a longer one using this same idea and tone, but I'd like to make it longer and add some music possibly.
I'm not sure yet but whatever I do, if it doesn't come out perfect I won't put it up. I don't want it to ruin the current one, you know what I mean? ;]

the funny thing is.. i've thought about this exact thing for a long time...

not bad... for me it was a bit too much "what if?" and not enough examples...i think it sort of needs to be more documentary...not that it is bad, just not really as effective as i hoped.

Yeahhhh I gotcha.

Just to clarify, I think what threw me off the most was that I was expecting something with a story since you mention in your own post that this is your first serious short film... Instead, all I saw was a possible film idea. So as a film, I think it's not effective for the reasons already mentioned... as an idea, it has potential and something I look forward to viewing whenever you get to that..

Yeah I guess you're right haha.
But what I meant is, it's the first time I've really tried hard on it.
Most of my other YouTube videos are funny or just done up fairly quickly.
Even though the funny ones came out great, they aren't scripted or anything.
This one was scripted and everything...so yeah haha.

But yeah I understand you.

yeah Eric I thought it was pretty cool project.
I like the fact that there was no bg music which would've destroyed the mood that makes it cool.

I liked the night scene in the house where just a silluette of the actor was seen.

There is no storyline but like the title says it's just something to think about i guess.

you got potential man. keep it up.

You're good at dangling something in front of an audience. Develop that skill. A lot of filmmakers gain a lot of success with it.