EXT.front of athletic wing. day

Edris walks up to a man selling tickets

Edris

Hi, I'm Edris, I'm here to buy the tickets?

Forrest looks through his pockets and finds nothing

FORREST

Um I'm sorry I don't have any left

EDRIS

Are you sure? the line is so long at the ticket booth.

FORREST

Well I don't have any tickets but I can train you to stay in line, if you want?

EDRIS

Well i don't think it's necessary but OK

FORREST

OK wait here i'll be back.

Forrest leaves

montage music starts playing

Title on screen shows "one hour later"

Title on screen shows "2 hours later"

Forrest comes back

FORREST

Hey how was the game

EDRIS

I didn't get to go because of you! Why didn't you come back to help me! The game is already over and i missed all of it!

FORREST

Congratulations you passed, now you can successfully stand in line.

Forrest casually places a tip jar on the floor.

Edris storms into the school.

[The end]

Cute idea. Formatting needs a little work, but some of it may be caused by the venue here. How do we know the man is selling tickets if he has no tickets to sell? Maybe he should have a "TICKETS" sign or something. Your dialogue is a little on-the-nose. Not sure someone would come up to a stranger and introduce him/herself. Was this a prearranged meeting? BTW, is "Edris" a guy or a girl? Not sure I understand the sudden "train you to stay in line" moment. Edris' no-but-okay response feels somewhat contrived. You know, your audience is going to ask, "Why?" for everything that happens. So there has to be a good reason now and not just to set up the joke at the end. Didn't know we were at a school 'til the end. Maybe add "SCHOOL" to your opening slug line.

I agree thanks for the help and this is my first script so i wanted people to give me good tips and Edris is a boys name and also my name.