Hello all,

Currently, I'm a high school junior and I'm enrolled in a video production class that basically teaches us... well, video production!

One of our last projects (that's actually due in about 4-5 months) is to write and shoot a short film (and there are no requirements for the subject area). My story idea is basically about a teenage boy who comes back from drug rehab and is burdened with the decision to either return to his previous life or to take the responsibility of saving his girlfriend and his yet-to be born child (prior to leaving, he impregnated his girlfriend). My main concern is in the end, I can't quite decide whether the boy should decide that he can't change who he is (and thus gives into his drug temptations, etc) or that he CAN and takes on the responsibility to become the "father figure". Some other details include:
-The girl is from a wealthy family.
-The boy is from a family of poverty.
-The mother of the teen's girlfriend wants to abort the baby (why? that's another question that I haven't 'explicitly' answered, but I've been brainstorming some reasons like because the mother doesn't want ruin their high-class image; the girl is wealthy, the boy is poor. Another possible reason is because the boy is a different race than the girl and, the mother is highly racist, kind of like 'I would be doing the baby a favor because no one would want to adopt it'--maybe a bit overboard?)
-The setting is a small town probably like a small southern town (some setting where people are highly racist so the above reason would make sense)
-Because the girl is already late into pregnancy, the doctor refuses to abort the child. The result? The mother feels the need to take matters into her own hands. Which brings up another question. How would the girl comply with her mother?

So there are basically two sides that drives the story: 1. the decision that the main character must make. 2. To test to see if the main character TRULLY has made his time in rehab worthwhile and has changed.

Hmm...I feel like I probably gave out way too much info. on for the first post... =/
I think I'm gonna stop giving more info. now and see what you all think about it. =) (advice on how to make story work?)

Thanks for your time!

I feel awkward being the first to reply because I don't really write dramas but I have a few thoughts.

1. I'm pretty sure drug rehab wouldn't be long enough for the girl to go into her third trimester so he probably wouldn't return late into the pregnancy. It usually last from 6-12 weeks.

2. If a rich, racist mother sees that her teenage daughter pregnant by a person not of her race, she would immediately terminate the pregnancy.

3. If he starts to use again, he you can't end the movie unless it's with his death.

So the solution would probably be to show the boy coming out of rehab, and adjusting to life outside of rehab, maybe getting a job to support his pregnant girlfriend. When he goes to the girl's house, the mother has a talk with him and speaks about how ashamed she is of her daughter and how she wants her daughter to get an abortion before she begins to show. he tells her off and says he's going to change and will prove her wrong and the girl ends up living with him in a crappy apartment for most of the pregnancy. When she finally gets into her third trimester she feels as though the relationship is going nicely and he has completely changed. After this he goes to the store and when he exits he sees a couple of his friends who he use to hang out with before rehab. He gets involved with them, hanging out and what not, but hasn't done any drugs yet. The girlfriend finds a joint in his pocket and confronts him saying that he hasn't changed, but he tells her that he was just holding it. She calls him a liar and moves out to go live with her mother again. He goes out to a party with his friends and they offer him some drugs. He is about to indulge but decides against it and runs to his girlfriend's house (kind of one of those really dramatic moments, maybe he's running through the rain). Her mom answers the door and says she's not home and belittles him but he responds with a snide remark like "That's BS" and yells for the girl. The girl comes down the steps to be with him and her water breaks. The mom calls the ambulance but the girl has to have the baby in the house. When the medics arrive and she is in labor he confesses his love to her, and the film ends with everybody gathered around a newborn crying baby.

Wow, that feels like way too much advice. Hopefully it helps though.

Thanks for fast reply! (I didn't expect any replies for a while..) Ok, so for point one, I actually did a bit of research and it actually IS possible for drug rehabs to go for 9 months to a year (http://www.wisegeek.com/how-long-does-drug-rehab-take.htm)

But I definitely agree with point two, but I would really like to keep that part in the film if possible; so i was thinking maybe the first few attempts at abortion didn't work for some reason, and now they're going to try the 'last resort' surgical way? Or, maybe it's illegal to have abortion in that small town/state and the doctors refuse to abort? Of course for either option, the solution would need to be expanded more.

As for point three, I would really like it if he stays alive =) So basically what I wanted to do is to 'test' whether or not this character really can take on the responsibility of being a father, which he would need to abandon his 'previous' life. Since right now I haven't quite decided which solution i want (either he proves that he can take on the resposibility OR he proves that he can't change who he is), I'm going to attempt to make an 'outline' of the story with the two solutions and see which solution makes a more complete story/I can back up.

But right now I think I'm going to reorganize the notes that I have and see if I can make a 'rough' story with it (and also which gaps I need to fill), and I'll post back up here with something. In the meantime, what do you/anyone think about the things I've said about the three points above (do they make sense at all? Any more thoughts?)? I know right now might be kinda hard to really give any suggestions because I still need to organize all my rough notes into an actualy plot but all advice are welcomed =)

Thanks again!

Might help to think about your character and what his trigger is -- what would be the worst thing for him to experience as a recovering addict? What would drive him to the edge and maybe even push him over?

Maybe its learning that his ex girlfriend went and had the abortion anyway. Maybe she decides to keep the kid but rejects your hero. Maybe someone close to him suffers a tragedy... Whatever it may be, have that moment be the climax of the film.

I think its a solid premise, great character study, and Sketchy has some great suggestions too. Good luck!

Ok, right now I'm pretty busy with school so I think for the remainder of this month I'm going to hold off on the story (originally I was going to post up a more 'concise' and organized overview of the story) but I still welcome more suggestions!

Be back later

Finally!


If anyone is still interested, I have the 'outline' of the story done (which really is the script without dialog; has all the scenes roughly in chronological order n' stuff)...

Just PM me your email and I'll send the .Doc file to you!

Thanks again =)

ok, if you're still in development of the character, heres my suggestion: for all the description & background you gave of the character and their scenarios, try doing the opposite. Frankly, the things you mentioned about them were, cliche. As to how you would end it, you alone, as the writer can know that. As you write, you'll be surprised as to what route the story goes if you put yourself in the character's shoes and let the result of their actions be the circumstances that'll happen. Just my opinion.

I keep a book of Premises (the word "Premises" is written on the cover - I wrote it, so don't ask if it came that way) and I really suggest you do the same.

Some questions to ask yourself late at night or early in the morning (the afternoon is a WASTE, right? LOL!)

1) Which of my unsuspected secondary characters has a deep dark secret that they would kill to keep as a secret and would be really upset if that secret came out? Things like being gay or a murderer (or both!) work really well here.

2) Remember that when Jesus was carrying the cross, he fell three times. Just as there is a "comedy of threes", there's also a "drama of threes". How can your character fall three times? These are probably your Act Breaks.

3) How can you twist the ending, or make it ironic? Maybe the drug he's addicted to is marijuana, which is medicinally used to save/alleviate pain in one of his relatives.

4) Symbolism, symbolism, symbolism. Pick an object and put it prominently in your story. You don't even need to know why it's there! The audience will do that for you!

5) Make sure that the forces of evil in your screenplay (read: TEMPTATION!!!) are present in every scene and for every character. Perhaps the girlfriend is tempted by food when she's pregnant, and the racist mother is tempted by hurting or firing minorities who work for her.

Just some thoughts!

thanks for all your suggestions!

hmm..yeah, definitely agreed (about the cliche). I actually changed quite a bit with the actual story itself (which could/might be slightly different than the notes posted above).

How about I just copy n' paste the .Doc outline here? The document is slightly color coded so some parts obviously won't copy correctly, but at least all of it would pretty much be there.

Well, here it is =)
Sean=main character
Scarlet (just randomly chose a name)=main character's girlfriend
Also, there might be a scene or two that's still a bit sketchy but basically every thing's there (ALMOST in chronological order)
-------------------------------------------------

OUTLINE NOTES

THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN:
-Sean comes back, and he slowly loses everything.
-his friend
-his school
-his trust with Scarlet’s mom
-his place to stay in the motel
-Last, he loses Scarlet, and thus he loses his ‘old life.’

AND ALSO THIS:
-Sean not only deceives others but also himself:
-In the beginning, we believe that he has truly changed when he removes the cigarette from the clerk’s mouth.
-Throughout the film, he deceives others starting with Scarlet
-Next is his teacher.
-Finally Scarlet’s mom.
-Thus, in the end, he realizes that he’s been deceiving himself also.

OTHER NOTES:
-The only person Sean is truly ‘good with’ (and in turn smiles to) is Scarlet


KEY

Yellow highlight=they are problems that need a/better solution(s).
Gray highlight=possible solution to problem.
Bold titles=they are essentially scenes/events in the movie, roughly in chronological order but CAN be moved around.
Italics=they basically tell what the significance of each scene is.



-Sean leaves drug rehab center. PROBLEM #1 (NEED TO FIGURE OUT A WAY TO TELL AUDIENCE THAT SEAN IS COMING OUT OF DRUG REHAB, WITHOUT BEING CLICHÉ.)
-He has headphones on with music. He is chewing gum. He takes off his headphones.
-He signs some papers. The clerk asks him where he’s going to go after rehab. Sean’s response to the clerk is sort of a ‘set up’ for the movie; basically, he explains in general what he plans to do so the audience has a basic understanding of the background of future events. He tells him that he needs to see his girlfriend, wants to get a job, but he’s not ready to see his parents though. He tells him/her that he just wants to start fresh.
-The clerk is smoking a cigarette and he takes the cigarette from the clerk’s mouth.


(WHILE HE IS TELLING THE CLERK WHAT HE IS GOING TO DO AFTER REHAB, THE VIDEO CUTS TO DIFFERENT “SCENES” AS A WAY TO TRANSITION INTO THE ACTUAL MOVIE)


-(CUT 1) “Long path scene”
-Sean walks toward frame from a distant. He is listening to music on an old tape player/CD player. We first get a medium close up of Sean walking towards frame and possibly cut to a wider shot afterwards.

-Cut back to Sean talking to Clerk

-(CUT 2) Various phone calls to girlfriend scene
-Sean calls his girlfriend at a telephone booth. She doesn’t pick up so he leaves a message telling her that he is ‘coming home’ from drug rehab.
-This is the first time that we see Sean as a very clumsy person because every time he tries to speak through the phone his time runs out and he is forced to fork out another quarter.
-We have various ‘cuts’ of him attempting to reach her until he runs out of quarters.

-TITLE OF MOVIE HERE.

-Girlfriend significance of scene: We learn of Sean’s past and we get a slight glimpse of his future. Sean’s past-He impregnates Scarlet. Sean’s future-implied that he may not be able to ‘raise his future family.’ Thus, we see Sean is a very unrealistic person.
-Sean rings the doorbell impatiently, tapping his feet. No one answers. He rings again, and still no one answers. He squats down on the door mat and searches under it to find key. No luck. A gnome to his left catches his eye and he lifts it up, finding a key under it. He takes it and unlocks the door.
-Cut to: We see Scarlet lying on the bed, and he reaches over to stroke her hair. He whispers “Scarlet, Scarlet.” She moans quietly. He moves into closer to her ear, and again whispers “Scarlet.” This time Sean startles her and she jumps slightly, hitting Sean’s head in the process. Sean jumps back in slight pain but also laughing at the same time. Scarlet is astonished to see Sean and she asks him when he got back. He tells her he got back today, just this morning.
-He then pulls out the key and hands it to Scarlet, saying that he believes it belongs to her. She tells him that he’s a sneaky little bastard.
-He tells her that she looks beautiful, as always, and she thanks him. Suddenly, she feels a bit of kicking in her stomach. He asks her if she’s alright. She says it’s just the baby.
-He then slips the blanket away and “marvels” at her stomach, and asks her if it’s “Sean Jr.” She smiles. We see that Sean isn’t too careful. Scarlet tells him to be careful.
-He then asks her if she remembers what he had promised her before he went to rehab: when he gets back, he will take good care of Scarlet and raise his son ‘good.’ He tells her that he hasn’t forgotten that promise.
-With an enigmatic expression, Scarlet tells Sean if he remembers, they all agreed that he…
-The doctor shows up at the door, breaking the couples’ conversation. He tells Scarlet that it’s time to take her medicine.
-The doctor gives Scarlet the pills and she sticks them in her mouth, without actually swallowing. PROBLEM #2 He tells her that to avoid surgically removing the child she must remember to take the pill everyday. This could be in form of him asking her: “Now Scarlet, if you want to avoid surgery you must remember to take the pills everyday, ok?” [THE LINES THAT THE DOCTOR SAYS TO SCARLET MUST BE CAREFULLY WRITTEN SO THAT IT TELLS NOT ONLY THE AUDIENCE BUT SEAN ALSO THAT SCARLET’S MOM HAS DECIDED TO ABORT THE CHILD. IT NEEDS TO DO ALL THIS WITHOUT BEING CLICHÉ AND ‘IN YOUR FACE’ TO THE AUDIENCE]
-The doctor tells her that if she doesn’t want them to surgically remove the child, then she must remember to take her “pills everyday, ok?” She responds by nodding to him.
-Sean stands by and watches with a subtle enigmatic expression.
-Afterwards, the doctor leaves the room and Scarlet spits the pills out.

-Motel significance of scene: it’s further verified that Sean does not have any family to stay at. He is clearly broke and needs to clean in order to have a place to stay.
-Sean is carrying his bag on his shoulder and we get a ‘side’ Over The Shoulder shot of him looking at the motel complexes.
-He appears at the counter with some coins and cash, and he struggles to take coins out of his pocket. He reaches in and takes out a dime. He reaches in and takes out a nickel. He then mumbles that he’s a bit short.
-The manager grows slightly impatient and asks if Sean can “handle toilets.”
-We cut to a scene where Sean is scrubbing the toilet.

-School Hallway. PROBLEM #3(NEED TO FIND A NON-CLICHÉ WAY TO EXPRESS THAT WHILE SEAN WAS GONE, HIS ‘LIFE’ AT SCHOOL CHANGED.)
-possible ex: Everyone at school acknowledges Sean’s return with contempt and fear. Sean walks down a long hallway and everyone stares at him while they walk by. This could also work if Sean is stationary, standing in the middle of the hallway as they walk by. He glares back at them, feeling annoyed that they all look at him. This is done with a “point of view” shot of Sean with and shot of Sean’s angry visage.
-Help??? Can’t quite figure out what to do here that’s not cliché…



-School Hallway #2
-As Sean glares at the students in the hallway who are looking at him, he spots his best friend, who saw him but quickly hid his face behind his locker when he saw Sean. Sean walks over to his friend’s locker and calls out his name. Sean receives no response so he pulls the locker ‘door’ out of the way while saying “c’mon man, stop hiding behind your locker.” His friend tries to reach for the door while Sean pulls on it but misses because it was too abrupt. We see that his friend’s face is “unhealthy” (after Sean left, he experimented with meth). Sean is startled by his friend’s appearance. His best friend avoids eye contact, and he says nothing, and that he has to go to class, “sorry,” and quickly turns around and walks off. Sean is left shocked and puzzled.

-PROBLEM #3.5 (NEED TO FIND ONE MORE WAY TO EXPRESS THAT SEAN’S LIFE HAS CHANGED WHILE HE WAS GONE) Sean sits in a meeting of drug addicts.
-We see a group of addicts sitting together almost in the form of a circle.
-It is Sean’s turn to share with everyone, and he is standing.
-Sean tells everyone that he is an addict and he is 3 months clean.
-There is a slight pause, and then he continues to say that before he went to rehab, he was with his girlfriend this one night and they were making out. He then trails off by saying that they were at her house and they were home alone. He then says that he remembers not being too satisfied so he went to her bathroom and he did ____ type of drug. He says afterwards he was unbelievably high and after he came out, he says remembers that he took her clothes off, but she didn’t stop him. That night, he impregnated her.

-Job
-Sean is in the check-in/out center of the motel, and he is tired because the manager worked him continuously. The manager tells him that he is doing a ‘real good job.’ He is smoking a cigarette and Sean is distracted by it. Sean asks the manager if he is done for the day and the manager asks him “you’re not tired already now, are ya?” Sean mumbles a “well…” and the manager cuts him off with “great!” and assigns him to mop the walkways. We see him working hard and struggling to mop.
-Another possibility is that he assigns Sean to sweep the walkways.
-Sean scrubs the toilets but accidentally drops the brush into the toilet. He reaches for the brush but the brush goes deeper into the toilet. When he flushes the toilet, everything gets messy.
-When he gets stressed, he chews a stick of gum.

-Girlfriend/Dinner”
-Scarlet is lying on the bed, Sean is sitting on the chair next to her bed. He is leaning on the bed, facedown. This scene important for the couple because, for a moment, they fantasize about their impossible future. It begins with Sean proposing for the two to elope. Sean continues by saying that he doesn’t care what Scarlet’s mom wants. Just because she wants to abort the baby doesn’t mean that will stop him from raising his family. He then asks her if she remembers what they dreamt of before he went to rehab: he lists a plethora of examples that the two of them had fantasized before. She tells him that that’s what they are, fantasies. He tells her to “don’t” lose faith now.
-He then says that their baby is counting on them and taps Scarlet’s stomach, which causes her to have a contraction. Sean is frightened and apologizes continuously. We see the ‘water’ on her bed.

-Dinner
-The dinner scene is initially awkward for the three of them. We can hear classical music in the background and see wine on the table. The food on their plates (not entirely visible in the frame) is miniscule, only enough for a few bites. We first see Sean playing with his food and elbows on the table. Scarlet breaks the silence by telling her mom that Sean got a ‘nice’ job. He modestly tells Scarlet’s mom that it’s not really that great, he “wipes toilets and mop floors.” Scarlet’s mom is then somewhat irritated by his details. Breaking the silence, Sean then hesitantly asks Scarlet’s mom what they are all doing for the baby. Scarlet’s mom asks him what he means, and he tells her that it has already been a month since he’s been out of rehab and he thinks he’s ready to ‘be the father.’ She tells him that that’s not what they all agreed upon before he left. She says that Sean clearly told her that he didn’t want the baby. So she took matters into her own hands, trailing off into a mumble. Sean tells her off by saying that he doesn’t remember any of the “bull****” that she just told him. He asks her why he would let her take his beautiful child away. Scarlet’s mom then tells him that maybe he was too high at the time to remember. Scarlet interrupts her mom by saying “mom!” as an indicator to not be so blunt/harsh to Sean. We then see Sean light up a cigarette. Scarlet’s mom sharply rebukes him for smoking in her house. He ignores her and taps the end of his cigarette on the edge of his wine glass to dust off the ash. He strokes his hair and seems tranquil. He continues to say that he has changed now and he has a job to support scarlet and his own place to live to take care of the baby. Scarlet’s mom asks him what he would do when the baby is borne. He tells her that he will give “him,” she cuts him off by saying “her,” a healthy and good life. He tells her that he will work longer hours, and he too, trails off into mumbling (he acknowledges that he can’t explicitly answer her question). Sean suddenly looks at and sees Scarlet fall face flat on her plate, fainting from the distress she has accumulated during her mom and Sean’s conversation.



-Scarlet’s room
-The doctor uses the stethoscope to check the status of the fetus. He says that the pills don’t seem to be working so he concludes that they will have to resort to surgery. Sean interrupts by saying that “this isn’t ****ing fair.” The room is silent and both the doctor and Scarlet’s mom looks at Sean. He then continues to say that the baby almost came out and asks them what they should do about it. The doctor asks Sean to calm down (“son, just calm down”)Seans replies that the child is his and he has the right to decide what’s best for him.
-Scarlet’s mom tells him to get out.
-During the whole scene, Scarlet is ‘not awake.’

-Motel
-Back at the motel, he contradicts everything he says to Scarlet’s mom. After the dispute, we see him doing drugs, drinking, and ‘choking the lizard.’ We see for a moment the beauty of pleasure through medications.

-School Hallway #3.
-We see a ‘long’ shot/wide shot of Sean sitting at one end of the hall smoking a cigarette, he is framed in the middle. He is also listening to music on his headphones and he leans backwards, eyes closed. A custodian walking by sees him and jerks the cigarette from his mouth. He wipes the lighted bud on the ground and then puts it back into Sean’s mouth. He walks away.

-School Classroom: “Test” PROBLEM #4 (POSSIBILY FIND A BETTER WAY TO “TEST” SEAN? BASICALLY I NEED A WAY TO TEST SEAN’S TEMPTATIONS THAT ‘DIRECTLY IMPACTS’ THE AUDIENCE AND DIRECTLY ATTACKS SEAN)
-possible ex: In the classroom, Sean is alone with his teacher. Sean is sitting in the far right corner while his teacher’s desk is in the far left. Sean is taking a test but he can’t concentrate so he taps his pencil continuously. He asks his teacher if he may be excused but his teacher says “no.” He takes a breath and strokes his hair, tapping his pencil harder.
-He then tells the teacher that he can’t concentrate when he’s looking at him, but clearly the teacher isn’t looking at him, so he asks the teacher to give him a few minutes. The teacher reluctantly agrees and walks out of the classroom. Sean seizes the opportunity and lights up a cigarette.
-After a few moments, the teacher walks in and sees Sean with the cigarette in his mouth. He tells Sean guess he hasn’t learned anything from “kiddy rehab.” Sean begins to put his cigarette out. The teacher cuts him off and tells him to put his cigarette back in his mouth. Sean stares at the teacher with subtle confusion. The teacher then takes one of his own cigarettes from his breast pocket and places it in Sean’s mouth, and lighting it up for him. The teacher adds that the only reason why he was able to come back to this school was because he pitied Sean.

-Motel: dusk/nightfall
-almost gets kicked out because doesn’t pay rent. Again, this shows that what he said to Scarlet’s mom was all a lie, and proves that he not only lies to others, but he lies to himself also.
-When Sean goes back to his motel room he sees the motel manager knock on his motel door loudly. He hides behind a car and sees that the manager then barges into the motel and moves all of Sean’s belongings outside. We see Sean’s bag and some empty beer bottles.


-Motel: morning
-We see Sean waking up. He is situated next to his Motel room door and his head rests on top of his bag. No blankets. Sean gets up.

-Outside Somewhere
-We see Sean trying to lift up a giant ladder.

-Scarlet’s room
-From Scarlet’s window, we see the ladder and Sean climbing to the window.
-We cut to Scarlet, sleeping.


-“Takes advantage” of girlfriend
-Sean reaches his head over and kisses Scarlet. She awakes.
-Scarlet accepts his kiss but Sean presses to ‘get more’ and Scarlet pushes him away.
-Sean seems as though he were shy for the first time and Scarlet looks down.
-Before they can say anything, Scarlet’s mom calls “Scarlet” from downstairs and Sean realizes that he has to go.
-Before Scarlet’s mom opens the door, we see Sean descending from the ladder and running off screen.
-As the soft music is playing, we get a shot of the school, motel, and the walkway where Sean mops, and each one is devoid of Sean’s presence.

-Sean leaves town; “Long path scene”
-At last, we see Sean on the ‘path’ again (the one that he walked towards
frame in the beginning of the movie).
-Sean drops his pack of gum by the side of his feet, and lights up a cigarette.
-His headphones are around his neck. He puts them on his head and presses play.
-He walks away from the frame down the long path in which he came from.

I'm sorry to bother yall, but I'm looking for a good television screenwriting book. Specifically, I'm interested in the 1 hour episodic as well as the comedic sitcom. Any ideas?

I posted this question on another forum but just thought I would ask this in the screenwriting section. Thanks and any suggestions would be greatly appreciated!