It's a rough draft. Tell me what you think of the story. The format got messed up on here :P

and "The End?" IS a joke lol

THE EXCHANGE


INT. KEN HOYT'S HOUSE - MORNING

KEN HOYT, dark complexion and unshaven, lies in bed with his girlfriend, JESSICA.

He is woken up by the telephone RING.

He slowly answers the phone.

HOYT
Hello? Yeah. I'll be right over.

JESSICA
Who was that?

HOYT
It was Tom. Something's come up. I have to go.

JESSICA
Is everything ok?

HOYT
Yeah. He just needs to talk is all. I'll see you tonight?

JESSICA
Yeah...

HOYT
Okay.

Hoyt kisses Jessica and gets up.

HOYT
I love you.

JESSICA
Love you to.

HOYT
I know.

Jessica rolls her eyes. Hoyt grins and leaves the room.



EXT. TOM O'NEILL'S DRIVEWAY - MORNING

Hoyt's car comes to a stop in TOM O'NEILL's driveway.

He looks around cautiously, then makes his way to TOM's door. Hoyt KNOCKS.

TOM O'NEILL answers. He is clean cut and dressed well.

TOM
Ken. Come on in.

Hoyt nods and enters the house.



INT. TOM O'NEILL'S HOUSE - MORNING

TOM
I'm sorry, Ken. He said no cops. I didn't know who else to call.

HOYT
It's alright, Tom. Tell me what happened.

Hoyt and Tom contintue into--


THE KITCHEN

They sit down at the kitchen table.

TOM
They've got Katie.

HOYT
What? Who?

TOM
She was taken from her home last night. Guy named Malone. I got a call this morning-

HOYT
Christ, I thought he was locked up.

TOM
You know him?

HOYT
Five years ago...I stopped him from bombing a shopping center.

(beat)
But he killed my wife. I put him away. Then I retired.

TOM
Well, he's out, Ken. And he's got Katie. I need you to get her back.

Tom hands Hoyt a tan, sealed evelope.

TOM
That's fifty thousand. There's more if you need it.

HOYT
What do I have to do?

Tom pulls up a briefcase and a business card.

TOM
Deliver the money to this address.

HOYT
How much is in the case?

TOM
Exactly seventy-six thousand, two hundred and eighty dollars. Give the money to the Collector, and he'll tell you where Katie is - at least that's what he said.

Hoyt and Tom get up from the table and walk into--


THE LIVING ROOM

HOYT
I'll need a car.

TOM
Thought you might.

Tom hands Hoyt a set of car keys.

TOM
Should already be at your house by the time you get there.

Hoyt opens the front door and steps out.

TOM
Look, Ken. Thanks a lot. I don't know what I'd have done.

Hoyt pats Tom on the arm, and walks out to his car.



EXT. KEN HOYT'S HOUSE - MORNING

Hoyt pulls his car into his garage. He notices the car Tom has left for him - a Ford Contour.

Hoyt reaches into the glovebox of his car and gets his handgun - a Beretta 92FS.

He holsters his gun, and puts on a long black coat.

He then picks up the briefcase, gets into the Contour, and leaves to meet the Collector.



EXT. COLLECTOR'S LOCATION - NOON

Hoyt steps out of the car and confirms the address of the house. He notices a DOORMAN and makes his way to the entrance.


AT THE DOOR

The DOORMAN is a tall, bulky guard. He keeps a straight, irritated face. He dislikes Hoyt the minute he sees him.

DOORMAN
Can I help you, sir?

Hoyt notices the key on the chain around the Doorman's neck.

HOYT
I'm here to see the Collector.

The two don't make eye contact.

Hoyt puts the briefcase down.

DOORMAN
I'm sorry. He isn't expecting you.

The Doorman looks right at Hoyt.

Hoyt GRABS the Doorman and knees him in the stomach, then knees him again in the face, breaking the Doorman's nose.

The Doorman GROANS and falls to the ground, unconscious.

Hoyt takes the key off of the Doorman's neck, picks up the briefcase, and enters the house.



INT. COLLECTOR'S LOCATION - LIVING ROOM - NOON

Hoyt enters the living room and sees a man sitting at the dining table with a drink. The man is quietly staring into the next room. He doesn't move when Hoyt approaches.

HOYT
You the Collector?

The COLLECTOR speaks slowly and patronizingly, always with a grin.

COLLECTOR
I see the doorman didn't give you any trouble. He usually enjoys a good chat.

HOYT
I had to cut him off.

Hoyt stands at the table.

COLLECTOR
We were expecting Mr. O'Neill. Was he at least smart enough to send you with the money?

Hoyt puts the briefcase on the table.

COLLECTOR
Confirm the amount.

HOYT
Seventy-six thousa-

COLLECTOR
Shh!

The Collector has a wild look on his face. He keeps his index finger on his lips, and slides a pen across the table with his other hand.

COLLECTOR
Write it down.

Hoyt takes out the business card Tom had given him earlier and writes the amount on the back.

He shows the Collector.

COLLECTOR
(to himself)
Seventy-six thousand, two eighty.

HOYT
So where's the girl?

COLLECTOR
The girl? Oh, yes, the girl. She was a part of this deal now, wasn't she? Of course, the deal was made with Mr. O'Neill. I don't know if I should give her to you.

Hoyt unholsters his gun and puts it the the Collector's head.

The Collecter CHUCKLES.

COLLECTOR
Oh, calm down, Mr. Hatchet Man; I was going to tell you, anyway.

Hoyt sneers and lowers his gun.

COLLECTOR
Lighten up, Mr. Ill Temper! You're the first triggerman I've met without a sense of humor! Follow me.

The Collector stands up from the table and steps into--


THE HALLWAY

Hoyt follows.

The Collector points to a door at the end of the hall.

COLLECTOR
Last door, Mr. Cutthroat. She's been waiting for you.

HOYT
That simple, huh?
The Collector grins.

COLLECTOR
Shouldn't it be?

Hoyt walks down the hallway and opens the door to--


THE GUESTROOM

KATIE is inside. She has blonde hair, and appears uninjured; but has droopy eyes and moves slowly. She has duct tape covering her mouth, and has it wrapped around her wrists and ankles.

She looks up at Hoyt as he enters.

HOYT
Katie, you're boyfriend sent me. I'm here to get you out.

Katie nods as Hoyt approaches.

HOYT
I'm going to take the tape off, okay? Sit tight.

Katie grimaces as Hoyt pulls the tape off her mouth in one motion.

Hoyt grins.

HOYT
Sorry.

Hoyt takes his knife and cuts the rest of the tape.

KATIE
Thanks.

HOYT
Alright, let's go.

Hoyt helps Katie up and puts her arm around his neck. He helps her down the hallway and back to--


THE LIVING ROOM

The Collector is sitting back at the dining table.

Hoyt watches him as he and Katie pass through.

COLLECTOR
You two are so cute.

The Collector smirks.

HOYT
(to Katie)
Can you walk okay?

Katie nods.

HOYT
Here. Go out to the car. I'll meet you in a minute.

Hoyt hands Katie the car keys and she exits the house.

Hoyt approaches the Collector.

HOYT
(ironically)
I don't suppose you could tell me where Malone is.

COLLECTOR
Please, Mr. Aggressor, I'm merely a collector.

HOYT
I didn't think so.

COLLECTOR
Besides, you already know where he is. Or, I should say, you will know where he is.

HOYT
Is that so?

COLLECTOR
You strongarms are all alike. Always using all the muscles; except the one that counts.

The Collector taps on his temple.

COLLECTOR
You're all toughguys, with your trenchcoats and your guns. What is this? Who do you think you are?

The Collector LAUGHS.

COLLECTOR
(calming down)
Everything is going to plan.

The Collector sips his drink.

COLLECTOR
Listen, normally I don't play the role of a messenger; but for you, I will make an exception. You showing up here; going on this mission for your friend; it was essential to the plan. This girl you have "rescued" here...she means nothing. In exchange for one, he has taken another.

The Collector smiles and leans back in his chair.

COLLECTOR
But, you will learn that soon.

HOYT
What about Malone?

The Collector leans forward and grins.

COLLECTOR
You need not worry about Malone, my friend. He will find you.

The Collector claps his hands and rubs them together.

COLLECTOR
Well, I have told you everything that I can tell you. It is time for you to go.

The Collector smiles as Hoyt begins to leave.

HOYT
(sarcastically)
You sure are a cheery fellow.

COLLECTOR
Laugh and grow fat.

Hoyt begins to leave again.

The Collector grabs Hoyt's arm to stop him.

COLLECTOR
I like you, Mr. Cheerful, so I'm going to tell you one more thing. This coat holds the life of a very important person, okay? Huh? Oh, and you can take the money back; we have no need for it. Don't be late for dinner, sweetheart.

The Collector LAUGHS.

Hoyt furrows his brow and finally leaves.

COLLECTOR
(yelling after Hoyt)
Laugh! And grow fat!



EXT. COLLECTOR'S LOCATION - EARLY AFTERNOON

Hoyt makes his way back to the Contour, where Katie is waiting.


IN THE CAR

KATIE
Thanks for getting me out of there.

Hoyt smiles.

HOYT
Sure thing. Let's get you back, huh?

Hoyt pulls away from the house.

HOYT
Let me just stop at home for a minute.



EXT. KEN HOYT'S HOUSE - AFTERNOON

Hoyt arrives at his house and goes to his front door.



INT. HOYT'S HOUSE

Hoyt opens his front door.

HOYT
Jessica? I'm home!

No one answers.

HOYT
Hello? Jessica?

Hoyt begins to look around frantically. He runs downstairs to--


THE BEDROOM

HOYT
Jessica!

He runs back upstairs to--


THE DINING ROOM

He looks around, only to find a NOTE on the dining table. Hoyt picks it up.

The note reads:

Late for dinner again? Shame on you, Ken. You should really treat this one better. If you want to see this sweet little girl, you will meet me on Main St. Money talks. Your friend, Malone.

Hoyt's face turns red and he grits his teeth.



INT. COLLECTOR'S LOCATION - EARLY AFTERNOON - FLASHBACK

COLLECTOR
You need not worry about Malone, my friend. He will find you.

COLLECTOR
In exchange for one, he has taken another.

COLLECTOR
This coat holds the life of a very important person, okay?



INT. KEN HOYT'S HOUSE - AFTERNOON - PRESENT DAY

Hoyt furrows his brow and checks his coat pocket. He pulls out the business card.

HOYT
(to himself)
Money talks...seventy-six two eighty...seventy-six twenty-eight! You'll pay, Malone!

Hoyt's face turns red and he grits his teeth.

He crumples up the note and goes to--


THE CLOSET

Out of the closet, Hoyt grabs an assault rifle - a Colt XM177 - another Beretta handgun, and extra magazines.



EXT. HOYT'S HOUSE - AFTERNOON

Hoyt dashes out of his house and throws Katie the keys to the Contour.

HOYT
Here, Katie, take the car to Tom's house. It's Jessica - I have to go!

Hoyt gets into his own car and speeds off to Malone's location.



EXT. 7628 MAIN ST. - EVENING

Hoyt exits his car and enters the building. He may kill a guard or something; I don't know yet

He kicks down the front door and readies his assault rifle.

HOYT
I'm here, Malone! Where is she?

Hoyt hears LAUGHTER.

MALONE (O.S.)
She's a very pretty girl, Kenneth. It's a shame you don't take better care of this one.

Malone steps out from behind a collumn. He is tall, with long sideburns and an evil grin. He is holding Jessica, who has tape binding her wrists and mouth. Malone carries two Colt 1911 pistols - on is holstered, the other at Jessica's head.

MALONE
Drop the gun, huh?

Hoyt drops the rifle to the floor.

Jessica MUMBLES through the tape.

Malone pushes her to the ground.

MALONE
How've you been, Hoyt? I'm not one bit delighted to see you!

HOYT
Let her go, Malone. She isn't involved!

MALONE
You love her, Kenny; of course she's involved!

Malone paces towards Hoyt.

MALONE
Mm mmm...You just can't take care of your women, Hoyt.

HOYT
I swear, if you've hurt her-

MALONE
Hurt? My boy, I killed the last one. Hurt is nothing you should worry about. If I were you, I'd worry more about getting out alive!

HOYT
So that's all this is, huh? All this trouble; the kidnappings, the messages, the notes - just so mad, little Malone can settle a score.

MALONE
Oh please, Mr. Hoyt; your arrogance amuses me. Your execution, while at the top of my list, is not my only objective. You did, nonetheless, earn your position by sending me on that wonderful, five year vacation.

Malone unholsters a pistol.

MALONE
And for that...

Malone raises his gun and aims at Hoyt.

MALONE
I owe you.

Malone cocks the hammer on his 1911.

Hoyt is stunned.

Just as Malone is about to fire the shot, Jessica gets up and runs into him.

Malone is jerked to the side as he squeezes the trigger.

The gunshot CRACKS and a bullet WHIZZES by Hoyt.

Hoyt grabs his assault rifle.

HOYT
Jessica, run!

Hoyt opens fire.

Malone dives for cover while firing back with his 1911.

HOYT
(to Jessica)
Get out of here! I'll finish this!

Jessica hurries away.

Hoyt's rifle clicks empty. He takes cover behind a pillar and cuts away the sling. The rifle falls to the ground, and he unholsters his Beretta.

Malone reloads his 1911.

MALONE
(to himself)
Stupid girl!

He takes up his second 1911.

MALONE
You still around, Hoyt?

HOYT
You want to open the front door for me?

MALONE
Well, I can't let you leave. And I'll bet you won't let me go, either.

HOYT
This ends tonight, Malone.

MALONE
We'll just have to kill each other.

Hoyt pulls his second Beretta out from his belt.

HOYT
I guess so.

Malone and Hoyt jump out from their cover and fire at each other.

Malone shoots Hoyt in the leg.

Hoyt SCREAMS. As Hoyt falls to the ground he shoots at Malone, hitting him in the arm.

Malone GROANS and ducks behind a collumn.

Hoyt drags himself to cover.

MALONE
These things sting, don't they? I guess we take a timeout now?

Hoyt inspects his wound.

Malone peels his hand away from his wound. The blood has soaked the sleeve of his shirt.

MALONE
You don't have a Band-Aid, do you?

Hoyt tears off some of his undershirt and ties it around his leg.

He stands up and hobbles to the corner.

Malone and Hoyt reload. Hoyt discards a Beretta.

The two exchange fire from behind their cover. Hoyt gets Malone in the thigh as they run to different cover.

Malone shoots Hoyt in the shoulder. The two both fall behind pillars.

Malone grits his teeth as he bandages his wound.

Hoyt grasps his shoulder.

The two lean around their corners exchanging more gunfire.

Hoyt reloads his Beretta, but leaves his leg exposed around the corner. Malone takes notice of this, and aims at Hoyt.

Malone shoots Hoyt in the thigh.

Hoyt SCREAMS and falls on his back.

Malone tries to run across the hall to hide behind another collumn.

Hoyt shoots him in the chest when Malone stumbles out.

Malone grimaces in pain and falls to the ground.

Both men have run out of bullets. They let their empty guns fall beside them.

They both lie bleeding on the floor.

HOYT
I said it would end tonight, Malone.

A door opens.

Jessica dashes in. She sees Hoyt lying on the ground.

JESSICA
Oh my god! Ken!

She runs to Hoyt and kneels by his side.

HOYT
I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

JESSICA
Ken!

MALONE
(coughing)
He can't...protect...his women.

HOYT
I'm sorry.

Hoyt goes motionless.

Jessica shakes him.

JESSICA
Ken? Ken!

Jessica cries.

In the background are SIRENS. The authorities are arriving.

THE END?

Sony TRV950

Is the lack of proper script format keeping you guys from respond to this.

I apologize, I've seen some scripts posted on here with the right format; I guess I just don't know how to post it. :P

Anyway, if someone will tell me how, I will repost it in the proper, easy to read format.

Thanks.

All I did was cut and paste - I see it didn't work.

Sony TRV950

No, it's not hard to read at all,

The script is good yet cliched. I mean, it doesn't bring anything new to the table, but don't worry about that, it's still a decent script and would make an entertaining film.

A few things stand out. From my understanding Hoyt is called to his friend's house who's girlfriend is being held ransom. Well right after he gets there he has to explain to his friend that his wife was killed just a few years before? Probable, but it lingered in the back of my head. Okay, so now Hoyt has to play negotiator and he goes to meet the collector. Well, the collector's disposition bothered me in that not only was it predictable, but it's been done too many times before--it wasn't even neccessary.

Shortly after, Hoyt hands the chick the keys to his car, but he needs to tell her which car it is for her to find it, right? And instead of the collector spelling out what is about to happen in a way we can't understand, he needs to just hint at it. The collector shouldn't say 'laugh and grow fat', that's just too distracting (mgs2?), Ditch the flashback too, this isn't spider-man for christ's sake.

The shootout scene looks like it could turn into every other shootout scene, You got lots of bullets flyin everywhere with the majority of them that hit are hitting legs and shoulders. But if that's how you do it then that's how ya do it, no worries

Overall it seemed okay.

-=POST MASTER SQUAD=-

lol at the Spiderman comment. I haven't seen that movie for a while, so right now I can't remember the flash back scene exactly, but I'm sure it will come to me.

I tried to do the end shootout as uncliche as possible. I want my characters to be hit, and then BLEED TO DEATH like people who have been shot SHOULD.

As for the Collector - he's my favorite character . When I was writing in his part though, I wrote it too long on purpose. I'll deal with him in the cutting room. Anyway, I'm sorry that the Collector's part was so predictable. I haven't seen a movie with a guy exactly like him, so I must plead ignorance. However, his disposition isn't entirely originial; but I really like the dialogue I wrote for him. I've got this Russian friend in mind to play his part, and I know with him playing that character it will do him justice.

I didn't want Hoyt to have to tell his friend that his wife was killed, but I figured it'd be believable cuz maybe Hoyt is a little secretive because of his past. However, I agree, as I did when I wrote it, that he shouldn't have to say it. I only wrote that in because otherwise there'd be a hole in the story. And if I hit holes, I stop writing; so I didn't want to be annoyed at that so I said, "the hell with hit," and put it in.

Didn't you like how he calls Hoyt a different name everytime he address him? I rather enjoyed that.

Anyway, thanks so much for your input. Hopefully, others will join in as well.

I know the script isn't ENTIRELY original, but I thought it had a nice, not-done-that-many-times-before-if-at-all feel to it.

I wish I could tell whether or not all the people viewing this were actually reading it.

Sony TRV950

[This message was edited by LeeMarcotte on July 12, 2003 at 10:19 PM.]

I read it. I'd say rewrite it. I don't get the "laugh and grow fat" thing. What if you did something like making your Hoyt character sorta loose himself in the past - or start is at the part where his wife is killed then cut to black and put a HEAD: 4 years later. This may be cliche but so. I have yet to see a movie without cliche in it. I agree that he does need to tell the chick where the car is - you could had a little comedy in it. Have her run off then run back "Uh, which car" or "Where is it?".

^^ I will do that

I already wrote that part in lol.

As I said, it is a rough draft. I'm in the process of rewriting.

I thought of doing "5 years later" but I thought that would be TOO cliche, but now that I think about it, I like that idea.

The only thing wrong with doing that opening scene, is that I have to write it. I never actually thought of HOW his wife died. Plus, now I have to think about how and where to shoot that scene. There's a shopping center around my house, but I don't know what to do with it. I'll think of something.

I love the writing process...

Sony TRV950

[This message was edited by LeeMarcotte on July 13, 2003 at 02:03 PM.]

Laugh and grow fat is an old saying meaning be happy and live well.

I thought it was a good thing for him to say since he's always similing.

I guess not ...

lol

Sony TRV950