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I like the composition and editing. Story is coherent enough, even though there is room for improvement. You have potential, good job. I'll be honest with my thoughts, so that they can be helpful and move you toward a good direction.
Sound mix. (Sound between angles, there is a change in room tone. You can't have that)
Audio. (Dialogue levels at times is too low, and at times its too high. Sometimes music doesn't blend in well, use audio cross-dissolve, use ADR if needed for some lines)
Camera. (Too shaky, then cuts to a very stable angle)
180 Degree. (You can't cross it. Ever. Learn what it is.)
I really loved it . BTW which camera you are using? Just a small suggestion though, never use fade to white (at 1:16) unless its necessary. Every transition has a meaning. Congratulations!!! www.bhushanmahadani.com