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NEW SCRIPT

I didnt get the point of that at all. That seemed dumb to me.

sorry bud.

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Alex Conway
Mind-Trip Films
 
let me lay it out.
boy works at video store.
boy falls in love with girl.
boy trys to impress girl.
when boy gets chance he finds out that the girl is taken.
boy goes to other video store.
girl there trys to impress him.
Happy ending.

the main character is has eyes for the girl but the girl doesnt have eyes for him. BUT the Other girl he overlooked when trying to impress the girl has the eyes for him. the Other girl and the boy hook up at the end because the other girl used the line the boy was going to use on the girl with boyfriend.

the credits are title and end.

P.S. it all makes sense in my mind.

Fab 4 Films
 
stop making love stories...... to many of them,,, if u make a love story dont make it have a happy ending,,,,,maybe make the girl die and the end and he cant go on and kills himself
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ok maybe not that drastic but love stories are over played,,,, put some jazz into it, or usually the best love stories come from your own history (if u have one) like even though she may not know u can make that into a movie,, just try to be different,, dont be like a hugh grant movie now
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keep it up,, u have potential

The object of war is not to die for your country,,, but to make the other bastards die for theirs.
 
If you guys are gonna bash the script at least give him reasons. Don't say stuff like "I didn't get it" or "Don't do love stories". I didn't read the script yet but it is obviously something he is passionate to make, so give positive feedback with your negitive and at least let him know what it is you think doesn't work. Thats why he posted it.

Cammo
 
Ok, real critism.

I felt i did not connect with the characters at all. No character development, period. The story was too short. And for a story so short, youd think you be compelled to watch. Sadly, it brought nothing new to the table. It was your run of the mill "love story". I was not compelled to watch, or in this case, read.

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Alex Conway
Mind-Trip Films
 
I havent read your script (Ill get to it) but if you make a love story then leave the happy ending. The millions of women that go watch those Hugh Grant films watch because they like the happy ending. Why does there always have to be a depressing twist. If you are making a movie you want people to enjoy, I personally would leave it in.
Having said all that, I haven't read your script, so MAYBE you shouldn't take any notice of this post. But MAYBE you should......
 

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