Screenwriting Advice!

[Michael Kakoczki]

I'm writing a slasher horror movie and I want advice is my writing skills doing well, I'm looking for advice see what I should update on my writing

 

[JasonGW]

OK, a little bit of advice, since you're asking .

1. "John starts to drive" is too much. "John drives" is better. because it's shorter and doesn't use unnecessary words. There are a couple places like this. Nobody "starts to" do anything, ever. As Yoda teaches us, "Do or do not."
2. Remove your parenthetical statements giving actor direction. You don't need them. Let the actors interpret the characters and the director guide them in doing so.
3. Check your grammar usage. When Mary says "leave", it should be capitalized. Little things like this, we're taught, get noticed right away.
4. At the end, you write "John says his final words and grabs the gun". You don't need anything but "John grabs the gun", unless he's going to do more than just grab it. You don't need to tell us he says his final words--he just said them .

Good start, but could use some efficiency. Basically, make sure every single word is *necessary* and you'll wind up with better pages.

 

[Michael Kakoczki]

Thank you I'm getting into writing that was very helpful

 

[JasonGW]

Happy to help! I recommend Richard Walter's book, "Essentials of Screenwriting". He's my writing professor at UCLA, and I've learned a TON from him and his book.

 

[Velma R. Washington]

Maybe you should try yourself in online writing service for you to improve more your writing skills, that is if you are determined enough to learn.

 

[Michael Kakoczki]

I am determined. I'm planning go to Columbia College in Chicago but right now learning on my own to be ready for the courses. I been reading screenplays, learn stuff online, and practice writing everyday. Trying be a director/writer. I updated my script the way it should look as the advice he gave me. If anyone is a film maker wants to connect use these pages
http://www.talentpages.com/
http://artsnfilm.com/
the 2nd is a social network for film makers and more

 

[Velma R. Washington]

Good to know! Keep it up!

 

[JasonGW]

Determination and practice are absolutely KEY! . Reading scripts is a great way to learn, as are a few of the better screenwriting books (those by Richard Walter and Hal Ackerman, especially).

I am determined. I'm planning go to Columbia College in Chicago but right now learning on my own to be ready for the courses. I been reading screenplays, learn stuff online, and practice writing everyday. Trying be a director/writer. I updated my script the way it should look as the advice he gave me. If anyone is a film maker wants to connect use these pages
http://www.talentpages.com/
http://artsnfilm.com/
the 2nd is a social network for film makers and more

 

[jeremy's sea]

I'm going to build off of Jason's notes (who is a classmate of mine apparently, we've never met! I'm Screenwriter MFA, you must be director?)
Anyway, yes, do read Hal's and Richard's books, or even Syd Fields' basic tome and/or Save the Cat. Remember that all grammatical and sentence structure rules apply as anywhere and nothing will get you a do not recommend pass faster than poor English skills. That said you may not speak English as a first language, and this is legit, just make sure a native speaker goes through it for you.

I think even beyond the passive usage of language you have some larger issues with the story telling on this page. There is a difference between "real life" and "reel life." The entire scene comes off very on the nose. Not to say that people can't say or do exactly what they mean, but in real life I doubt someone would approach a window, see their lover banging another dude, scream, and drop a ring box on the lawn while running away. There are about 100 different ways you could make this more tense and more dramatic and raise the stakes on conflict. Every scene has to have conflict and action should inform us about character. A man who screams, drops a ring box while running away isn't a man who abruptly sits in a room with a gun. Nor does a woman banging a jerk collapse on her lawn. Catching someone cheating is good, dramatic choice to raise conflict in a scene. Crying while holding a gun is also a good dramatic choice for conflict. Maybe try to think about these scenes and what drives one into the other in a more cinematic manner.

Spitball: John approaches the window (bring us with him, reveal the action to us in layers). He notices the car in the driveway that shouldn't be there. Suspicious, he peers through the dining room window where Mike is doing Mary on the kitchen counter, right next to the toaster John bought for her in the last scene! John drops the ringbox and picks up a rock. We're inside with the lovers when a rock crashes through the window. Confused Mary gathers herself in time to hear John's tires peel away. When she comes outside his car disappears around the corner and she spots the ring on the lawn. Numbly or coldly she picks the ring up. If Mike is still a jerk she tells him to shut up in a way that communicates she knows she made a mistake. Or maybe she didn't make a mistake and realizes it (John is nuts enough to go get a gun afterall).
The action of a jilted man throwing a rock through a window and running off tells us he might be a coward who would get a gun and not think clearly. It ups the conflict. Also you can give us something for John other than a phonecall. Stay off the phone if you can in a script, he may as well be having a conversation with a chair as cinematic as that is.
Don't be afraid to give us a little more and make it more cinematic and dramatic for the reader, exactly as it would look and be revealed to a camera and an audience, take a little more time with it. If you are a director try to think of the words cinematically, give us the meat of the visuals you're seeing in your head. The only time you will be able to get away with not making it cinematic for the reader is when you're planning on shooting it yourself, but if this is to be read for admittance into a program I would definitely try to make it as reader bait as possible.
Hope that helps!

 

[szaloh]

I've heard great feedbacks about professor Richard Walter's book's Book so far.
You should definitely check it out it will help you a lot since you're determined to get there.
Good Look buddy.

P. S "Get out there and shoot your films - Just don't forget to take the lens cap off"

 

[Bettina Smith]

I hope this will help you!

Here are the top 5 tips for writing stronger characters into your screenplay:

#1 – Make your character likeable early on
#2 – Build realistic & detailed characterization
#3 – Let your character make the decisions for you
#4 – Give your character compelling dialogue
#5 – Think like an actor and give your character a point of view

See more at: http://www.indiewire.com/article/sc...riting-better-characters-into-your-screenplay

 

[Bhushan Mahadani]

I suggest you to go through this article. It might help.
http://wp.me/p4UNWt-2A