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pitching an idea

G

GODFATHER

Member
ok...im gonna pitch you an idea of a short 6 min. film for school...i dont have everything in my head, but ill give you a general idea wat the story is like, and PLZ give me your opinon, suggestions, etc.
ok...
-----------------------
the story starts where a man, lighting a cigarette,in his appartment,waiting for his girl friend to talk..after they had a break, b.c they faught a lot lately...she calls him, and he loves her so much..she doesnt want him anymore, telling him also she finds someone better to talk to, etc...but they loved each other, thought about marriage, kids,e tc...but she lied too much b4, and hurt him..and doesnt want him anymore.
through out the conversation..you see her mouth talking, not her face, i dont want to show her eyes b.c she is a liar..and you see him getting sad....then..she hangs up..
the camera moves in 180 degree slowly..with different shots of him calling and she not answering..with dissolve effect between every shot...
then the camera goes from being on the right to the left side.
then he puts the fone on the table...he sees their pics on the table and looks at them sad..
and infront of the pics...there is a film projector with a film of them dancing together...
he will sit on a chair and watch it...its both of them dancing in an operatic, musical, ballet type...then you hear a voiceover of him talkin about how he cant get over her, missing her, etc, that his love is not like others...""you hear ppl say , you'll get over it..not my love..i live an unforgetable romance...trying to forget someone you loveis like trying to rmember osmeone u never knew...and all i have now is memeories..of our happiness..together, dancing our days through love". this will be heard through a paino sequence of the main music..and when he finishes his quote, the real music comes in...with different cuts of him watching and the dancing going on...
then as the film ends..the camera zooms out from his eyes..his hair is white, which means he lived years missing her and loving her, couldnt get over her...and the room is full of smoke b.c he smoked alot..then he sits there..and he breaks crying...rubbing his hand on his chest of pain...saying in a low voice "i miss you so much" etc...then..the camera moves to the side then zooms back of him and he is sitting on the chair...with a cig in his hand..then the cig falls down
FINE
---------------
wat you think? what you recommend? any ideas?
also guyz..if u were to make that movie..wat details would you add or remove to it?
 
ok...im gonna pitch you an idea of a short 6 min. film for school...i dont have everything in my head, but ill give you a general idea wat the story is like, and PLZ give me your opinon, suggestions, etc.
ok...
-----------------------
the story starts where a man, lighting a cigarette,in his appartment,waiting for his girl friend to talk..after they had a break, b.c they faught a lot lately...she calls him, and he loves her so much..she doesnt want him anymore, telling him also she finds someone better to talk to, etc...but they loved each other, thought about marriage, kids,e tc...but she lied too much b4, and hurt him..and doesnt want him anymore.
through out the conversation..you see her mouth talking, not her face, i dont want to show her eyes b.c she is a liar..and you see him getting sad....then..she hangs up..
the camera moves in 180 degree slowly..with different shots of him calling and she not answering..with dissolve effect between every shot...
then the camera goes from being on the right to the left side.
then he puts the fone on the table...he sees their pics on the table and looks at them sad..
and infront of the pics...there is a film projector with a film of them dancing together...
he will sit on a chair and watch it...its both of them dancing in an operatic, musical, ballet type...then you hear a voiceover of him talkin about how he cant get over her, missing her, etc, that his love is not like others...""you hear ppl say , you'll get over it..not my love..i live an unforgetable romance...trying to forget someone you loveis like trying to rmember osmeone u never knew...and all i have now is memeories..of our happiness..together, dancing our days through love". this will be heard through a paino sequence of the main music..and when he finishes his quote, the real music comes in...with different cuts of him watching and the dancing going on...
then as the film ends..the camera zooms out from his eyes..his hair is white, which means he lived years missing her and loving her, couldnt get over her...and the room is full of smoke b.c he smoked alot..then he sits there..and he breaks crying...rubbing his hand on his chest of pain...saying in a low voice "i miss you so much" etc...then..the camera moves to the side then zooms back of him and he is sitting on the chair...with a cig in his hand..then the cig falls down
FINE
---------------
wat you think? what you recommend? any ideas?
also guyz..if u were to make that movie..wat details would you add or remove to it?
 
well, it sounded really cliche at the star (i coulda sworn it was heading for a suicide), but i liked how it developed, and that its short. shound liek u have a good visual idea and approach to it which is key, especially if it starts out kinda cliche with the cigarette (which becomes like "tags" signifying the opening and closing of the short). my only suggestion is to set it in the past, like maybe in the 60's cause of the super 8, cause then it would make sense for him to watch the projector and then thats when u first realize it was set in the past. then it would kind ago "2001: a space odyssey" aging like u said. so i think thatat 6 minutes length and shot right it could work out really well. u could do some good editing w/ the voice over and the most important part is to get the opening filmed to how u want it so that the attention isnt sucked dead, id also say keep the "she calls him, and he loves her so much..she doesnt want him anymore, telling him also she finds someone better to talk to, etc...but they loved each other, thought about marriage, kids,e tc...but she lied too much b4, and hurt him..and doesnt want him anymore. through out the conversation.." at a minimum, and remember to "show don't tell" or whatever that expression is i cnat forget, but just dont treat the audience like a bunch o idiots who cant recognize a fight of love when they see it. well, that my 13.457 cents (Canadian funds that is), i hope it works out for u, o ya, and last but not least send it into this site when ur done so we can see it.
icon_smile.gif
 
Sounds like you've got lots of nice imagery and cinematography in there. I'm personally not one for downers, though, and this is quite a downer.
 
you shouldn't pitch ideas that are written down and completley formed yet.

the idea of a pitch is that you tell them what you already have done and written and ready to shoot, not what you plan to write and do.

also, it doesn't help if you don't have the entire idea down and pitch it, beacuse by the time you DO write it down, it will change and won't be anything close to what you pitched.

i don't know about your school, but at my school, if you turn in something different than what you pitched, you get a lower grade.

same in the real world, if you turn in something different from what you pitched, you're not going to get too many more jobs.
 
<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><font size="-1">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by RFranco:
you shouldn't pitch ideas that are written down and completley formed yet.

the idea of a pitch is that you tell them what you already have done and written and ready to shoot, not what you plan to write and do.

also, it doesn't help if you don't have the entire idea down and pitch it, beacuse by the time you DO write it down, it will change and won't be anything close to what you pitched.

i don't know about your school, but at my school, if you turn in something different than what you pitched, you get a lower grade.

same in the real world, if you turn in something different from what you pitched, you're not going to get too many more jobs. <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>
hey hey hey
easy...im just stating an idea of the film
it will even change when i shoot it
just say your opinon or suggestions if you have one on the story, other wise, dont just reply about how to talk or say anything
 
I think it sounds good. The one problem is that (especially early on) you are telling us what he is thinking. You have to find some way to show us these things, not tell us or it won't show up in the finished project. Film is a visual medium and you seem to have a good visual style but you have to find a way to show alot of the stuff that has happened to them, and what he is thinking.

Sounds good. Good luck

Cammo
 
<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><font size="-1">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Hill Dawson Kane:
well, it sounded really cliche at the star (i coulda sworn it was heading for a suicide), but i liked how it developed, and that its short. shound liek u have a good visual idea and approach to it which is key, especially if it starts out kinda cliche with the cigarette (which becomes like "tags" signifying the opening and closing of the short). my only suggestion is to set it in the past, like maybe in the 60's cause of the super 8, cause then it would make sense for him to watch the projector and then thats when u first realize it was set in the past. then it would kind ago "2001: a space odyssey" aging like u said. so i think thatat 6 minutes length and shot right it could work out really well. u could do some good editing w/ the voice over and the most important part is to get the opening filmed to how u want it so that the attention isnt sucked dead, id also say keep the "she calls him, and he loves her so much..she doesnt want him anymore, telling him also she finds someone better to talk to, etc...but they loved each other, thought about marriage, kids,e tc...but she lied too much b4, and hurt him..and doesnt want him anymore. through out the conversation.." at a minimum, and remember to "show don't tell" or whatever that expression is i cnat forget, but just dont treat the audience like a bunch o idiots who cant recognize a fight of love when they see it. well, that my 13.457 cents (Canadian funds that is), i hope it works out for u, o ya, and last but not least send it into this site when ur done so we can see it.
icon_smile.gif
<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

HILL THANK YOU SO MUCH
i did think more of showing the actors expressions rather than to spit everything out, you are absolutley right and ill go with it.
so about the aging..you want me not just to show that his hair for e.g turned white, but also put more attention on the surrounding as well?

wat other suggestions do you have for an opening scene?
 
<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><font size="-1">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by cammo407:
I think it sounds good. The one problem is that (especially early on) you are telling us what he is thinking. You have to find some way to show us these things, not tell us or it won't show up in the finished project. Film is a visual medium and you seem to have a good visual style but you have to find a way to show alot of the stuff that has happened to them, and what he is thinking.

Sounds good. Good luck

Cammo <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>''
thanks cammo ..VISUAL..got it, i will keep that in mind
 
Hey RFranco, lighten up, allright? You know what the guy meant. He wasn't pitching as in trying to persuade you of something; the guy wants some opinions on an idea of his. Give him a break! Don't needlessly lecture him and don't be a jerk!
 
<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><font size="-1">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by JW:
Hey RFranco, lighten up, allright? You know what the guy meant. He wasn't pitching as in trying to persuade you of something; the guy wants some opinions on an idea of his. Give him a break! Don't needlessly lecture him and don't be a jerk! <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>
you are great man
even though u dont like that type of movie
you showed respect and answered in a respectable way
thank you
i would like to hear ur ideas and suggestions
 
<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><font size="-1">quote:</font><HR> wat other suggestions do you have for an opening scene? <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Thats gunna be one of the hardest things for u, unfortunatley i cant tell u adsactly how to do it cause u have to figure out how to do it urself (note: thats me saying i have no f'n clue how to open it cause id prolly end up w/ the cliche myself
icon_biggrin.gif
). but i guess i would just try to stay away from the whole cliche of a guy, sitting in a chair, cigarette smoke, close up on the cigarette etc... (although i just got the idea that it would be cool if u put it in reverse and the cigarette was like smoked backwards, so it starts out small, and then he like inhales (which looks like exhaling) and it like un-smokes itslef (if thats a word), kinda like the opening of memento,
icon_mad.gif
ok, bad example, good example of a cliche and how easily i worked myself into one)
ok breathe, sorry it late for me ive been up for a long long time, ok back to the opening, i would just really take the time to ask those simple questions to urself that u normally wouldnt ask, like why is he smoking a cigarette? it seems like an insignificant thing, but what is it for, r there connectiosn to the end? discovering something simple like "why is he smoking a cigarette" can help when u find the answer to the question, for example, is he going to die of cancer? if so how r u going to use this smoking forweshadowing. basically im going nowhere, but i would just say take ALOT of time to think out ur opening, is there voice over or not? is there sound? bg music? do the credits role over the openign scene? basically narrow down small details liek say credits opening to black screen or to the opening sequence can help u get closer to where u wanna go, even if ur not there yet, but small decisions like this always help me gain confidence and thats when my good ideas come. now im not saying dont use the cigarette, i just think there is a really good reason for it somewhere in ur head, finding that reason helps u understand how to convey it with the opening. i meen did his g/f used to light his cigarettes? di she become a feminist during the 50's - 60's womens movement and stopped being the cliche good housewife? something liek that, whether the audience knows it or not can help u give reason to something. and im focussing on the cigarette becuase as i read ur opening, i noticed the cigarette, and kinda asked myself the significance. it can be one of those little things that grabs the view until u throw them into ur story, and u only need 1 to 10 seconds maybe to get this across, but it can be in the top 5% of ur short.

so...in conclusion all i can say is to really think about these types of physical things in the film, and how they matter in non physical ways (like say symbolism) to ur story. i hope this hasnt totally ruined ur state of mind, (it ruined mine), but its the type of thing i really wish i had been told before i made my first film, because i did this for my second film (still in production) and it had a much better result. good luck
icon_smile.gif
 
<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><font size="-1">quote:</font><HR> so about the aging..you want me not just to show that his hair for e.g turned white, but also put more attention on the surrounding as well? <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

hmmm... well for this i was kinda of saying i had the feeling that u were going to change from one decade (say the 50's or 60's) and make a quick leap to say modern times as he watches the projector. and the viewer wouldn't know for sure or yet care what time period it was at the start (this gives it a redeeming factor, like those films that unravel more and more as u watch em). for example, maybe he has a lamp in the opening scene next to where he is smoking his cigarette, well, when u jump forward and age him, age the lamp too, maybe there is dust on it, maybe the shade is gone and it just somehow aged. something like having a book on the table, and then after he ages, the book has yellow pages, or there are stacks of old newspapers that are yellow paged (cause maybe he had that days' newspaper in his hand while he was smoking in the opening scene) and u see how his life has turned after his g/f left him, and the newspapers have stacked up, like in Citizen Kane.maybe hes eating a microwave dinner with a silver fork, and after he ages, hes eating a soy veggy burger and organic vegetable that is fairly new o the earth (ei. brocolli) and shows a change of time, and the silver fork has not been polished. maybe there is a national geographic from the oast or today. little things like that, just to show that u ahvent just hucked the scene togeather, and that there has been intent in that ur not just doing a 2001: a space odyssey aging (in 2001 u will notice that while bowman ages, nothing else in the room does, why?). but yeah, i think little thing slike the surroundings can make a HUGE difference, cause ppl notice these things. for example, i was watching the film "Badlands" recently (based on the starkweather murder spree in 1959 i think) that was made in 1973, in one scene the protagonist is reading a national geographic (for the nudy pics) from the 50's, in fact i found the adsact same national geographic and it fits the time period, that really hit me, cause NG has always aged w/ the times, while alot of the places in it have not changed for a thousand years, u see old car adds advertising "a great 8-track player to bring u great music for many many years to come" etc... just little things, and change things up, throw in a high shot....
thats another thing, take the time to do ALOT of shots on stuff if u can, trust me u will thank urself in post, if ur editing urself (dont know if u have before) u'll know that its impossible to go back and get something after the fact, so having alot of different shots allows u to change thisng in post production, and make ur film better. maybe at the time u didn't notic ethat u were doing a cliche close up, and luckily u had a lonely over the shoulder shot of the cigarette burning ro something that works better. ok, im going to bed, sorry, im just out of it, hope u can pull something out of this messy two posts, and if not, i know i will for sure.
 
<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><font size="-1">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Hill Dawson Kane:
<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><font size="-1">quote:</font><HR> wat other suggestions do you have for an opening scene? <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Thats gunna be one of the hardest things for u, unfortunatley i cant tell u adsactly how to do it cause u have to figure out how to do it urself (note: thats me saying i have no f'n clue how to open it cause id prolly end up w/ the cliche myself
icon_biggrin.gif
). but i guess i would just try to stay away from the whole cliche of a guy, sitting in a chair, cigarette smoke, close up on the cigarette etc... (although i just got the idea that it would be cool if u put it in reverse and the cigarette was like smoked backwards, so it starts out small, and then he like inhales (which looks like exhaling) and it like un-smokes itslef (if thats a word), kinda like the opening of memento,
icon_mad.gif
ok, bad example, good example of a cliche and how easily i worked myself into one)
ok breathe, sorry it late for me ive been up for a long long time, ok back to the opening, i would just really take the time to ask those simple questions to urself that u normally wouldnt ask, like why is he smoking a cigarette? it seems like an insignificant thing, but what is it for, r there connectiosn to the end? discovering something simple like "why is he smoking a cigarette" can help when u find the answer to the question, for example, is he going to die of cancer? if so how r u going to use this smoking forweshadowing. basically im going nowhere, but i would just say take ALOT of time to think out ur opening, is there voice over or not? is there sound? bg music? do the credits role over the openign scene? basically narrow down small details liek say credits opening to black screen or to the opening sequence can help u get closer to where u wanna go, even if ur not there yet, but small decisions like this always help me gain confidence and thats when my good ideas come. now im not saying dont use the cigarette, i just think there is a really good reason for it somewhere in ur head, finding that reason helps u understand how to convey it with the opening. i meen did his g/f used to light his cigarettes? di she become a feminist during the 50's - 60's womens movement and stopped being the cliche good housewife? something liek that, whether the audience knows it or not can help u give reason to something. and im focussing on the cigarette becuase as i read ur opening, i noticed the cigarette, and kinda asked myself the significance. it can be one of those little things that grabs the view until u throw them into ur story, and u only need 1 to 10 seconds maybe to get this across, but it can be in the top 5% of ur short.

so...in conclusion all i can say is to really think about these types of physical things in the film, and how they matter in non physical ways (like say symbolism) to ur story. i hope this hasnt totally ruined ur state of mind, (it ruined mine), but its the type of thing i really wish i had been told before i made my first film, because i did this for my second film (still in production) and it had a much better result. good luck
icon_smile.gif
<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>
wow ok lol...well i remembered memento but i dont want to do the whole backward thing
he is smoking, sitting watching the fone, moving it around b.c he is nervous of what his gf gonna say after being on a brake..
in the end he will die with a cig dropping off of his hand..so it kinda connects.
there is a voice over, no music...no credits, just a bla bla film and the name of the movie. and the cigarette in the begining is like new u now..but in the end when it drops off his hand, its done...so its like begining and end, action/cut.

about the aging..i want to show him frozen...numb...doesnt care if his house is clean or not, how many cigs he smoked...
its kinda like a fantasy thing..that he spent all his life watching this projector and missing her, and not getting over her..u know what i mean/&gt;? and YOU ARE RIGHT about the dusting and all i did think of that..for e.g the ashtray will be full of cigs, lots of cig packs around, dusty table, etc. ..he will age and everything around him...you are smart and know how im think i lik ethat
icon_smile.gif
.
and about a lot of shots..I DID LEARN THE HARD WAY..my last movie, i forgot somethin so imp b.c we had to rap up quickly..now ill redo every take atleast 2 times and try the same scene in different ways and have as much footage as i can, and yes , unfortunately i do edit lol..its the hardest thing...

ok..what do you see cliche about the story and what would u change to make it look less cliche?
again thanks a lot for ur help
 
i wasn't aware i was coming off as anything.

obviously i didn't know what he meant, since i took it for him asking for suggestions on HOW to pitch an idea to a group of people and i was thinking that paragraph was they way he was going to pitch it, by trying to recreate the shots and drama in the panels' head. he asked for suggestions and my suggestion was to get it all written out first.

and since the title is "Pitching an Idea", and then he goes on to say he is pitching it for school: i gave him suggestions on how to do the pitching.

how was i being a jerk? i helped him with what i thought he was asking, and then let him know that if he was pitching this to a panel, like some schools do, to choose one project for the film thesis students, they'd probably like to do it like the real pitch panels do at the studios. meaning you pitch a script, and there shouldn't be any kind of major changes that doesn't come down from the producer or executives, unless there's a big talk about it.

JW, don't be condescending to me and call me a jerk because i thought he was asking how to pitch to a group of people. from the first post, that's what i got. and don't tell me i knew what he meant when i obviously didn't.

and godfather, the way you worded it i thought you were asking how to pitch an idea like that to a group of people. i was going to post later on about loglines, synopsis, and all that other stuff you present to a pitch panel, that's why i came back to this thread.

what the **** guys? i always try to help out and explain what i can, and i learn a lot from here cause i can ask questions and get pretty quick responses.

i'm sorry i misread the kind of advice you were looking for, and godfather if you re-read your initial post you can probably see how i made that mistake. but i wasn't attacking you, i was making suggestions and then giving you an example as to why i made those suggestions. which are actually are still valid if you're ever going to pitch in front of a panel.

man i can't even think straight enough to write a good response. and i probably repeated myself a thousand times.

but man. why do you have to be such *******s because i misread something? and why does it come off as an attack when i'm offering suggestions to what i thought he was asking? if i'm supposed to be so good at clairvoyance, then why aren't the two of you? why didn't you guys know my intentions and what i meant?
 
<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><font size="-1">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by RFranco:
i wasn't aware i was coming off as anything.

obviously i didn't know what he meant, since i took it for him asking for suggestions on HOW to pitch an idea to a group of people and i was thinking that paragraph was they way he was going to pitch it, by trying to recreate the shots and drama in the panels' head. he asked for suggestions and my suggestion was to get it all written out first.

and since the title is "Pitching an Idea", and then he goes on to say he is pitching it for school: i gave him suggestions on how to do the pitching.

how was i being a jerk? i helped him with what i thought he was asking, and then let him know that if he was pitching this to a panel, like some schools do, to choose one project for the film thesis students, they'd probably like to do it like the real pitch panels do at the studios. meaning you pitch a script, and there shouldn't be any kind of major changes that doesn't come down from the producer or executives, unless there's a big talk about it.

JW, don't be condescending to me and call me a jerk because i thought he was asking how to pitch to a group of people. from the first post, that's what i got. and don't tell me i knew what he meant when i obviously didn't.

and godfather, the way you worded it i thought you were asking how to pitch an idea like that to a group of people. i was going to post later on about loglines, synopsis, and all that other stuff you present to a pitch panel, that's why i came back to this thread.

what the **** guys? i always try to help out and explain what i can, and i learn a lot from here cause i can ask questions and get pretty quick responses.

i'm sorry i misread the kind of advice you were looking for, and godfather if you re-read your initial post you can probably see how i made that mistake. but i wasn't attacking you, i was making suggestions and then giving you an example as to why i made those suggestions. which are actually are still valid if you're ever going to pitch in front of a panel.

man i can't even think straight enough to write a good response. and i probably repeated myself a thousand times.

but man. why do you have to be such *******s because i misread something? and why does it come off as an attack when i'm offering suggestions to what i thought he was asking? if i'm supposed to be so good at clairvoyance, then why aren't the two of you? why didn't you guys know my intentions and what i meant? <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>
the way you responded was so arrogant and rude, u need to go back and check your tone and see how you replied..ok mr expert, we dont need your advice on HOW to do things, i justed wanted opinons on the story like everyone else did..just if u have somethin to say about the story go ahead, id love to read it, otherwise, dont waste our time plz
 
RFranco: I'd like to apologize on their behalf. It was a simple misunderstanding and I can see how you made it. You have given some good advice in the past and I wouldn't want this thread to scare you off. You know we like to treat this forum like it's the floating market (sorry I'm reading Neverwhere right now) and will jump on anyone who attacks (or seems to) anyone else. You mistook what the OP was asking and replied with a good answer if he actually was asking about hot to pitch. But, because of the misunderstanding, that answer sounded out of context and condescending even though it was not meant to.

GODFATHER: The idea's alright but is flawed by the girl. First off, I'm not sure how many people will get that she's a liar just by not showing her eyes. What else can you do to get this point across more clearly, if you even want to? Secondly, why the hell did this guy waste so many years of his life pineing over some lying b***h? It's not a tragic love lost, it's just kinda pathetic. Happy moments or not, it sounds like she was a bad person and he's a pathetic guy. Now unless you want to incorporate those more dominately, go ahead, otherwise it's not that great. And I'm not trying to rag on you personally, that's just what I got from reading your synopsis.

-Elliott
 
Like others have said, it needs something more. At the very least, you've got to make a judgement about the guy and/or the situation. If you show the audience what you think about it, you give them something to think about. Otherwise, nothing is really revealed in the story, except that the guy sat in a room feeling bitter and sorry for himself til he got old.
 
<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><font size="-1">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by MeGrimlock:
RFranco: I'd like to apologize on their behalf. It was a simple misunderstanding and I can see how you made it. You have given some good advice in the past and I wouldn't want this thread to scare you off. You know we like to treat this forum like it's the floating market (sorry I'm reading Neverwhere right now) and will jump on anyone who attacks (or seems to) anyone else. You mistook what the OP was asking and replied with a good answer if he actually was asking about hot to pitch. But, because of the misunderstanding, that answer sounded out of context and condescending even though it was not meant to.

GODFATHER: The idea's alright but is flawed by the girl. First off, I'm not sure how many people will get that she's a liar just by not showing her eyes. What else can you do to get this point across more clearly, if you even want to? Secondly, why the hell did this guy waste so many years of his life pineing over some lying b***h? It's not a tragic love lost, it's just kinda pathetic. Happy moments or not, it sounds like she was a bad person and he's a pathetic guy. Now unless you want to incorporate those more dominately, go ahead, otherwise it's not that great. And I'm not trying to rag on you personally, that's just what I got from reading your _synopsis_.

-Elliott <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

no its ok..its ur own opinon
i like that..i know some ppl will see him as "oh, wow, he did really love her" and other will say "damn loser, get over her" but some love you cant just get over..some ppl get married and imagine their life with that other person they lost...but i do get wat u mean..
ppl will get she is a liar, and i came up with that yest night..that when he tries to call her after she hangs up, we will see her in bed crying..so that says so
 

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